if you ever feel bad about yourself remember that george bush was once informed that 4 brazilian people were killed in iraq and he responded ‘how many is a brazilian’
“you wanna see my breasts” i say seductively to my boyfriend. i unbutton my shirt to reveal two large, succulent cuts of meat. i am a chicken. why do i have a boyfriend. why am i wearing clothes
today in philosophy i learned that witches were portrayed as riding broomsticks because back in the day it was a euphemism for riding the devil’s dick so just think about that before you consider dressing up as a witch for halloween
well quidditch just got awkward
eating is so badass i mean you put something in a cavity where you smash and destroy it with 32 protruding bones and then a meat tentacle pushes it into a pool of acid and after a few hours later you absorb its essence and transform it in energy just wow
That is the most metal thing I have ever read in my whole life.
i actually thought the doctor was called “please” for a moment i just